What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
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