Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Randomize
