you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
