My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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