if you like me you must not know who I am
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Randomize
