i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
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