dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Randomize
