New game: find the sober person in Tbell
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Your penis caused this!
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