Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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