what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
