She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
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