if you like me you must not know who I am
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
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