I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
