Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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