Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
