i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
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