hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
Swine flu is the new snow day.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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