What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
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