Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Randomize
