Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
