How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
Little spoons don't ask big questions
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
