I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
