he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
She bit a glass in half.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
