They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
