I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
handjob tips. give me some.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
