Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Randomize
