I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
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