I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
Dignity is for republicans.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Randomize
