well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
