im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
