I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
