what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Randomize
