.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
