i think my tv is drunk
she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Randomize
