He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
