Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
