I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Randomize
