Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
