Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Randomize
