i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Randomize
