i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Randomize
