I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
