dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
I love how my cats smell like pot.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
