It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
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