Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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