cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Randomize
