The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
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