my phone cant type all the emotion im having
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
