He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
