just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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