and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
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