This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Randomize
