He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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