Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
