Non-Jews are for practice
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
Randomize
